An Introduction To The Next Six Months of My Life

Every once in a while, some invisible force grabs us by the hand and directs us towards the unknown. This blog entry, the first of many, is about that magical force which has brought me to Vietnam, and about the perspectives I have and will have gained as a consequence.

I don’t know about you, but I have found that during my life in Canada, I have been very much inclined towards living a semi-normal and un-inspiringly boring lifestyle. That is, by my own personal standards at least. University came and went, four years of routine with occasional part time jobs scattered about, but nothing truly riveting took hold of me.

The straw which broke that stubborn camel’s back came in the truly inspiring form of my best friend and then lover, who, out of a purely adventurous spirit, inspired me to greater things.

As the flow of time tends to direct us in a straight line in which each new moment takes precedent to the next, I find myself here in the present as a consequence of the past. I am here because of the people I have met, of the decisions I have made, and because the entire universe came together at one moment to decide the beginning of all our lives.

Tomorrow will mark the one week point since I have been living in Hanoi, Vietnam. I will be here for the next six months of my life… living. Truly living. Tomorrow, I will be starting my volunteer internship at an NGO (non-governmental organization) called SHAPC (STI, HIV-AIDS Prevention Center) downtown Hanoi. This is my direction for the next six months, the invisible hand of time has brought me here, and I’m not quite sure what it means, or what new directions will follow… all I know is that I am where time has brought me.

I will take the bus for one hour, away from the countryside, along the winding roads, rice fields, and eventually onto the paved roads and into the city center. I will find my away through a maze of unfamiliarity to the office that has been so kind as to take me in as their first official international intern.

I met them today, they were incredibly nice, friendly, and apparently grateful for my presence. I could hardly believe their openness towards having me, a 23 year old Canadian without any professional work experience, into their world. I hope that I can build amazing relationships with these people, help them with their organization, and learn, learn, and learn some more.

There is so much to write about, so many perspectives to gain and expound that this well should never run dry.

Chapters

I am at the edge, looking down, about to dive… The water crashes against the splintering rocks below. Above is an endless sky, mixing into the equally limitless sea. The only distinction comes from the setting sun which finds company in its reflection brilliantly glimmering off of the water’s native dance below. I am going to jump, I have to. What will the air feel like as my skin rushes past it, as my hair plays like fire through the weightless molecules which surround me in my free-fall? Will I be able to breath the oxygen that speeds by my open mouth as I yell in ecstasy at my decent? If you think my world will come to an end, you are wrong. I jump because I have an inclination; it tells me that something amazing will catch me at the bottom, that there is so much to be gained from leaving the ground we so know and love. Do you think I will close my eyes? If so, you have yet to understand the point of living, or of life itself. Each good story begins and ends with a Deep Breath.

I am drunk

Star date: August 16th, 1:32 am, 2007

Here I sit, in my empty room, thinking deeply about how I will be heading to Vietnam for the next six months of my life. The lack of furniture and of my own personal belongings in what was once my personal abode remind me of the void-like feeling that surrounds me: where am I going, where am I coming from, who am I and what will I become? I am nothing and everything all at once, I am the culmination of every instant I've ever lived, and yet I am ready to be so much more.

My last moments in Canada have been quite contemplative, as I've attempted to spend them with those who mean the most to me. They include my best friend in the entire world, Mai; my brother, who not only possessses so much potential, but has so much knowledge and wondrous youth that he inspires me by just being himself, Matthew; my all time favorite professor, who, despite being years ahead of me in intelligence and academic prowess, always finds the time to talk and philosophize on life and on living, Keith; my roomate and long time friend, who, no matter what, will always remain loyal and true to me, and himself, Kyle; and many others. I can't help but be myself with these people, those who mean the msot to me, because it is with them that I am forced out of my shell, to reveal the face behind the so called mask which hides my true self.

I am fortunate to have these people in my life, and as I look forward to this Friday, August 17th, when I will depart from this world and land into another, I undoubtedly be constantly reminded of how fortunate I am to have them and to have been given the opportunity to know myself more through them.

I am sad. I am excited. I am scared. I am enthusiastic. I am nervous, and anxious, and somewhat terrified... but I am so ready to be challenged by Vietnam and its culture. I cannot wait but to be electrified by its undeniable current, to catch its own cultural bug, and to be exposed to so much life in such a short period of time. I am ready to grow, to learn, and not for an instant will I presume my presence to be worth more than it is. I know that I am simply going to be working for an HIV/AIDS clinic, and not the other way around. I can only give what I take away, and I hope to take away as much as possible.

The flight: omg, I'm scared. nearly 30 hours of travel time. I have to go through the USA. I look like a terrorist, but am simply a poor mixed child who happened to take on the look for a Persian when really I'm just some french catholic/Guyanese kid from the middle of nowhere new brunswick. I hope I don't get harassed, I never enjoyed that and never will. Those bastards always judged me, and never gave me the benefit of the doubt.... Who knows what will happen? I'm sure to write about it though, sometime soon.


Okay, well, it's 1:44, time for sleep. Hopefully I'll dream of making it past airport security without any hangups or problems. I can only hope that I will dream of wonderful experiences and chances to learn and grow while in the Socialist Republic of Vietnam. And finally, I hope to allow myself the chance to relax, to rest, and for my mind to soak in all the potential wonders of living in a different world.

Goodnight, world.

nk

In Transit.

Sitting infront of my computer, I suddenly realize that my brain has a mode that allows me to release my pent up thoughts upon the world. The internet. I let out a villainous 'lol', and proceed to write.

Where are my thoughts when I search for them? Where am I going when I search for them? Do I realize that I search for them, or am I simply programed to do so? My thoughts aren't physical, I can't hold them in my hands... how can I be sure that they themselves have any hold on reality? How do I know reality has a baring on me and my thoughts?

Schizophrenia is not for the timid.

Must all thoughts carry themes? Seriously now. Why can't I simply go on a tangent every once in a while? Just because a sentence needs to have structure doesn't mean that the thoughts that follow need to as well!

Thoughts are paths, we just travel through them so fast that we sometimes forget that they weigh so heavily on our worlds. I just realized something... thoughts, if thoughts are what connect us to the world by allowing us to recall and re-live memories, then emotions must also contribute to our memories... Are they a direct part of who we are, much like our bodily sense-based memories are? Or are emotions simply an element, part of the overall system, no different than what the eyes or tongue tells us?

Emotions are fascinating, I've always taken an interest in how emotions lives among us. Are they our escape from inescapable logic?

I know that this blog entry is full of questions, I suppose I'm asking myself the kinds of things that I'd want to know, y'know?